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Yesterday was my six year anniversary of my heart transplant. While I was celebrating my second chance of life, I couldn't help but think about the family of my donor, Tiffani, and how this was the six year anniversary of her death. In a couple of weeks I'll be thinking of a former student of mine, Allen, who became a donor after suffering a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 13. His parents donated his organs after he came home and made remarks about how neat it was that I could be saved because of someone one else's generosity.
For the most part, I've been feeling great. Recently, I've been in schools doing enrollment and have exposed myself to more germs than I normally do and I've felt my body fighting those germs every day. This is a busy time of year for school counselors and it is easy to wear down when you are healthy, nevertheless when you have a compromised immune system.
Everyday when I look at the 36+ pills that I often have to take, I have to remember that they are part of the process that is keeping me alive. It is not always fun to swallow all of those, and because of the cost of the medication I will probably never own a home, but I'm alive. For that, I am grateful.
In the last six years I have celebrated my parents' 50 year wedding anniversary, spent quality time with my brother and sister-in-law, learned to value my friends in ways that others probably never will, and tried to help as many kids as I can. Hopefully, the good Lord will let me hang around a few more years to see my "adopted" children graduate from school and head out on their own and maybe be able to visit some places I've never been before.
Whatever time I may have, I hope to always remember the gift that I was given and use it wisely. I believe that to be the best way to honor a life that was taken too soon.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Blizzard of '11 and other thoughts
Yesterday we recieved 15" of snow with 40 mph gusts in our little town. Needless to say, the world has come crashing to a stop as we just do not have the equipment to cope in our state. So, I've been spending a great deal of time playing on the computer, reading books, watching DVD's, and generally trying not to go nuts as I wait to see if there will be any thawing in the next week or so.
Some nice person did come last night and scraped my drive, at least as much as they could. Since all my wordly possessions are in this duplex, including my car in the garage, it was nice to know that if the roof came crashing down I would not lose everything because I could possibly escape. Now, the docs have always told me to not get out when the air gets below 20 degress or so because it causes our hearts would have to work so hard to keep our bodies warm. But, I've never obeyed that command.
So, today I got out and shoveled out a path to my front door and knocked down what the mystery scrapper couldn't get. I do have to admit, near zero temps and 15" of snow with drifts up to 4 feet were a little challenging. I had plans to do some more but after about 45 minutes, I decided enough was enough.
So, I came in and started scouring the Internet. I ran across a blog about heart conditions that talked about cell memory. I've had a few people ask me if I developed any memories, cravings, or other odd sensations after having the transplant. I can't say that I have. Maybe that is because my donor and I had similar interests in the first place....we both played softball, we both loved music (although she played in a band and I have not), we both were close to our families. Her grandmother (who raised her after her parents divorced) has called my parents and talked to them...as recently as two weeks ago...but I have not been able to get the courage to meet them. Part of it is a feeling that they might want more of a relationship than I'm willing to give. I am most appreciative of the gift they have given me, but I cannot replace their granddaughter, and it wouldn't be fair to her memory to attempt to do so.
The blog also talked about depression in transplant patients, even to the point of committing suicide. I will admit there are times that one gets tired of all the pills, the side effects, the tests and hospital visits, and other things. And there have been some dark days...but doesn't everyone have dark days every now and then? My biggest problem has been when I didn't meet goals that I had set for myself after the transplant...new job, own a home, a significiant other, etc. but again, doesn't that happen to everyone.
I realize that there are only so many years that I have with this new heart...if I'm lucky at least 20. (And I'm getting ready for my 6th year anniversary this month.) I can't see wasting any of the extra time I've been given and have tried to use these "extra years" to help others. In some cases I have succeeded, in some I have not. But for those I've failed I'm hoping that at some point they will remember some small tidbit that they will find helpful later in life, at a time that I may never know about.
I think that is the lasting legacy I can give to Tiffani's memory. And even though I never met her, I think she would approve. If that is cell memory, then so be it.
Some nice person did come last night and scraped my drive, at least as much as they could. Since all my wordly possessions are in this duplex, including my car in the garage, it was nice to know that if the roof came crashing down I would not lose everything because I could possibly escape. Now, the docs have always told me to not get out when the air gets below 20 degress or so because it causes our hearts would have to work so hard to keep our bodies warm. But, I've never obeyed that command.
So, today I got out and shoveled out a path to my front door and knocked down what the mystery scrapper couldn't get. I do have to admit, near zero temps and 15" of snow with drifts up to 4 feet were a little challenging. I had plans to do some more but after about 45 minutes, I decided enough was enough.
So, I came in and started scouring the Internet. I ran across a blog about heart conditions that talked about cell memory. I've had a few people ask me if I developed any memories, cravings, or other odd sensations after having the transplant. I can't say that I have. Maybe that is because my donor and I had similar interests in the first place....we both played softball, we both loved music (although she played in a band and I have not), we both were close to our families. Her grandmother (who raised her after her parents divorced) has called my parents and talked to them...as recently as two weeks ago...but I have not been able to get the courage to meet them. Part of it is a feeling that they might want more of a relationship than I'm willing to give. I am most appreciative of the gift they have given me, but I cannot replace their granddaughter, and it wouldn't be fair to her memory to attempt to do so.
The blog also talked about depression in transplant patients, even to the point of committing suicide. I will admit there are times that one gets tired of all the pills, the side effects, the tests and hospital visits, and other things. And there have been some dark days...but doesn't everyone have dark days every now and then? My biggest problem has been when I didn't meet goals that I had set for myself after the transplant...new job, own a home, a significiant other, etc. but again, doesn't that happen to everyone.
I realize that there are only so many years that I have with this new heart...if I'm lucky at least 20. (And I'm getting ready for my 6th year anniversary this month.) I can't see wasting any of the extra time I've been given and have tried to use these "extra years" to help others. In some cases I have succeeded, in some I have not. But for those I've failed I'm hoping that at some point they will remember some small tidbit that they will find helpful later in life, at a time that I may never know about.
I think that is the lasting legacy I can give to Tiffani's memory. And even though I never met her, I think she would approve. If that is cell memory, then so be it.
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