11 Years - The Times They Are A Changin'

Eleven years ago on the 23rd I was given a second chance at life by the family of Tiffany Fleethart Mashore, who had made the courageous decision to be an organ donor.  I've always said these are "bonus years" for me.  I've seen my parents celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary and will soon see my father celebrate his 80th birthday.  I've seen children of friends and family graduate from high school and college and start their own lives.  I've seen students that I've had in the past become teachers themselves.

But this past year has been a difficult one.  My 60 pills a day are catching up with me.  The prednisone that I have to take to keep from going into rejection (had a serious issue about 4 years ago) has its own side effects, one of which is the thinning of your bones.  This summer, I had a bone density test and was told there was significant reduction from the last one about 4 years ago.  Then in October, I began to develop some back issues that have turned out to be pretty significant.  My lumbar vertebra, which should be straight across the top, look like your molars.  These "dips" cause my disc's the slip which causes some pain.  In addition, I have spinal fractures which are causing the majority of my pain.

There have been times where I haven't been able to work, and I hate leaving my fellow counselors short handed.  I feel that I have a pretty good pain tolerance but when it takes 20 minutes to put on your socks and you scream when you try to get out of bed, somethings not right.  I've had an MRI and saw both a hip and back specialist who say there is no surgery that will help.  I've gotten a pain doctor who gave me a lumbar ejection which did give some relief, but I still am in pain at a level of 4-6 nearly everyday.

In addition, my cardiologist said my heart was in good shape but that my chances of surviving to year 20 drop from the 50% range I am in now to 25%, and the following 5 years after that to about 10%.  So, while the heart is doing well, all the drugs that keep me alive have significant impact on my future.

So, the question becomes, what to do?  While I'm not retirement age or eligible yet, do I go ahead and retire and try to get disability?  There is no way I can live on retirement itself....it barely pays for my insurance and pharmacy bill, let alone rent, food, and bills.  I'm not sure that even with disability, that is going to be possible.

I've got one last shot for pain relief coming up on the 29th....the pain doc is going to try to insert some "liquid cement" in these fractures to see if we can stabilize them enough to give me some relief.  The aqua therapy that I've done for the month has helped with balance and some strength, but that has been about it.

I'm somewhat discouraged, in pain, depending on my family to help with basic things like house cleaning and grocery shopping, and feeling guilty that I'm not able to help my parents as I should...rather at their age they are having to continue to help me.  I've got some major life decisions to make soon, and I'd appreciate your prayers as I go through the process.  I'm really hoping this procedure will be successful so that I can delay some of this for a couple of years, but I know it is coming.

As I said in the beginning of this post, I'm grateful for the extra time I've had, and I hope I've done something with it to make a difference.  I would just like to have a little bit more time, if possible...and preferably pain free.