Loss and Choice

This time of the year is hard on people.  For some, the holidays are not "holly" but long, endless times of pain and sorrow as they remember people they used to share them with, traditions they had, and conversations they shared.  In the now nearly 7 years since my transplant, my family has had its share of loss as well.  Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, special people in our lives that we shared those same memories with.  I've spoken at some of their services and grieved with their families.  And for some reason, this year I've thought of them more than I have any other.

I realize that I am fortunate to still have both of my parents in my life...many that I know do not.  I was reminded of that by a complete stranger this evening, and it caused me to do some thinking.  I never take the time I spend with my family for granted because 8 years ago I was afraid I was spending my last Christmas with them.  I even had us take a family picture together on Christmas Day, something that rarely happens because I'm the photographer in the family.  But I wanted there to be a lasting memory of a great day "just in case".

Fortunately for my family, someone else's grief gave me life.  I always think of my donor family at this time of the year.  I know it can't be easy, even after 7 years, because I know how I feel about those special people I've lost.  But I have chosen to try to look on the positive side of life and not dwell on the "what could have beens".  I choose to spend any time I can with my family, however great or small it may be, because I understand that one day I may not have those moments again.  I choose to spend my evenings helping kids who have made major mistakes in their lives in hope that they will learn and grow from it in a positive manner.  I choose to fight for what I believe in because I feel it is right to do so, even if it does go against the popular stance that others want me to follow.

It doesn't take much time to go to a local elderly facility and spend time with the people who are there, who often don't have visitors during the holiday season.  It doesn't take much money to buy a single mother with a couple of children a meal without them knowing about it.  It does give you a warm feeling inside knowing that you might have made a difference in their day.

There are many families that have lost loved ones that are spending the holiday in pain.  When we are in pain, we often do crazy things.  Sometimes, those choices are life altering.  And many times, a phone call from a friend, a short visit just to see how things are going, or a card or letter are simple ways to show those in pain that they are not forgotten.  If you have a moment, I encourage you to do that.  You never know the impact it may have.

Choices can change by simple acts. 
Won't you act?

The Best Gift

As the holiday season comes and everyone gets in the rush of finding the "perfect gift" for those in their family, I'm always reminded that I have already gotten the "perfect gift"...my second heart.  As you rush around in your shopping, stop a second and think about having that conversation with your family and make a committment to be an organ donor.

Most donor hearts last 10-20 years, and to keep them that long transplant patients have to take some very strong anti-rejection drugs that have some pretty serious side effects, all of which vary from patient to patient.  I'm approaching year 8 this February, but I'm not worried about the future.  These extra years have been another gift, and I've tried to find ways to really enjoy them to their fullest.

All who know me also know that I'm a big Oklahoma State fan, so I am really enjoying this football season.  Thanks to the generosity of my little brother, who donated to the Tulsa Zoo auction and won 2 suite tickets with parking to Bedlam, my father and I will be attending (weather permitting).  The last time I was at an OSU game was about a year before the transplant and I could barely walk into the stadium and was so tired that I slept on the way home.  This time will be different...I'm going to enjoy every second of it!

I don't take the future for granted anymore.  I may be fortunate enough to have a heart that will last 20 years without a problem...and I may not.  I might be fortunate enough to be given a second heart at some point.  But, if the worse were to come, I want to know that I took advantage of every extra day by helping someone else, made a difference in someone's life, and tried to be a good example to those around me.  A person can't ask for a better life than that!

Give Thanks

This is the month of Thankfulness, and as it begins I start reflecting about all I should be thankful for and there is a lot.  I know time won't allow me to write everyday so I'm going to try to get it all down now.

First, I'm thankful for my family and friends who were there in my darkest days and still there now.  My parents, brother and sister-in-law who gave me room to make the biggest decision of my life without judgement and who continue to help and support me in too numerous ways to name.  I'm thankful for the friends who were on standby to get me to the hospital, who sat with me the time before the transplant and never let me be scared or worried.  Who came to the hospital and sat with my family.  Who continue to support me almost 8 years later.  To name them individually would take up too many pages.

I'm thankful for the life of Tiffany Mashore Fleehart who, even before she had a driver's license, made the decision to be an organ donor.  This month is both her birthday month and her wedding anniversary month.  I understand, through conversations her grandmother and my father have recently had, that her little brother is now deployed.  I pray for his safety and the safety of many others.

I'm thankful that, to date, I have gotten nothing but good reports on my health with only some minor issues.  Each time I go to clinic and I see fewer and fewer of our group there, I'm reminded that it could change easily.

I'm thankful that I continue to be able to work with kids even though the docs weren't sure it was a good idea being around all those "germie kids".  At both sites that I've been to after the transplant the kids have been great about doing everything they needed to in order for me to stay healthy.

I'm thankful that I work for a district that has supported me from day one of this adventure.  Whether it be shortening my days before the transplant to just get through the day to going for the 30 plus biopsy tests.

I'm thankful that I have a job and insurance during these tough economic times.  Without insurance my meds would run $4000 or more a month.  Lots of people complain about insurance costs...I never will.

I'm thankful for the memories I have of those no longer with us who were there for me during these years.  For Uncle Jim who stayed hours upon hours at the hospital for the trial runs and the actual transplant itself.  For Joanne who was there for the "procedure that became the ordeal" at the start and the many days after.  For grandparents who had instilled strength and faith that I would fall back on and still do.

I'm thankful for the two school staffs and all the administrators that I have and continue to work with who gave me room to keep my independence but would either offer or just step in when I needed help or rest.

I'm thankful for the soldiers who are away from their families protecting us and others.  Katie and Kyle, I am especially thankful for you and your commitment to serve.  I know it is a hardship on you and your family but I also know you wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm thankful to be alive, because it so easily could be the other way. 

Give Thanks.  Often.