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As I sit here tonight listening to the rain hit the roof, I can't help but remember what happened 13 years ago because while the nights are similar, the locations are much different,
I walked into my school today without running out of breath and worked a full day. That day 13 years ago, I had stopped a couple of times as I walked in, sat down at my desk, and started counting the number of days till Spring Break. I could tell I was degenerating rapidly, and I knew that working till the middle of March was going to be very difficult to do. It had been a hard couple of weeks. I'd lost a cousin to cancer and a friend at work had her daughter murdered while working by her ex-husband. I can't even begin to tell you the emotions I felt as I sat in their services. Would this be happening again to my family and friends soon? Had I planned (because those of you that really know me know I do this) everything well enough so my family wouldn't have to?
As I was looking at the calendar, my cell phone rang. They had a possible match in OKC but needed me to give them some additional vials of blood to test to make sure it was the right match. Never mind that I had given 6 vials earlier that week...they'd been sent all over the US because my doctors were seeing the same thing I was. And of course, this was the busiest time of year for work and family.
But, family was reached and to the hospital I went. Later in the afternoon it became obvious that this was going to work, but then Oklahoma weather hit. First it was the rain, then the ice, then the snow, then back to rain. The plan to Lifeflight to OKC went out the window. As the evening wore on and other transplant teams were having difficulty getting to OKC, most of my family and friends went home to rest leaving me with my thoughts.
I'd made peace with a great many things so I was ready to accept whatever outcome developed, but that still didn't change the uncertainty of knowing this could possibly be your last night in this world. I thought about memories and people I hadn't thought of in years and while I was told I needed to rest, there was no sleeping. I wanted to have every moment while I could.
When they came in and told me they'd gone to harvest, my family and friends once again showed up. The nurses argued about where they should all wait when they came to get me, and all I could think of was "hey...I'm the one here that may live or die...get me to the operating room and figure all this out later!"
Obviously, the transplant worked and after many procedures, doctor visits, and thousand upon thousand of pills, I'm fortunate enough to still be here. There have been times when I wondered if I was going to be around much longer...like about this time last year. And my cardiologist basically told me the same thing...change your stress or you won't be around in a couple of years.
So, I did. I accepted a position in Arkansas working with scholars who want to learn and come to school and with much less numbers. I'm as busy as I was before, but my stress level is so much less. It was sad to leave friends who have supported me for @ 15 years of this (the before and after) but we stay in touch. And I've made fantastic new friends here that are as supportive and caring.
And I still know there are no guarantees on this. I'm about 3 years past the average right now. All I asked in the beginning was to be at my parents 50th wedding anniversary and see my family/friends children graduate high school. The folks are soon approaching 60 and the kids are almost there. Whatever time I'm granted, and I've always considered this bonus time, I want to use to the best of my ability. And I still want to be there for my family, and fortunately Dr. S understands that.
So, as the rain falls and the memories flood, I find myself once again grateful to a family who on this day grieves for their loss. I hope Tiffani's family takes comfort in knowing that others, like myself, have been given a second opportunity based on her generosity. I'm trying to honor the life that was lost by living mine to the fullest and with purpose. I hope she's proud.
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Sunday, January 21, 2018
It's Been Awhile!
Sometimes time just gets away from you, and that is exactly what has happened to me. My last post was about my 12 year transplant anniversary, and here it is 11 months later and so much has changed!
When I saw Dr. E last Spring, he warned me that something needed to change or I would not be around much longer. My stress level was way over where it needed to be, my body was developing issues from the anti-rejection meds, and I was just generally unhappy. My case load of kids was approaching almost 500, the State of Oklahoma was not valuing the education profession, and despite working for a great district I just could not seem to get anywhere.
For several years, Susan's brother had tried to get me to come to Arkansas and work in his public Charter School. I'd gone over during the summer and helped out a couple of weeks a summer so I was familiar with his philosophy and the success he was having. This year they were going to open two new campus sites in Rogers and Springdale, and he offered me a position as a counselor. After reflecting on my health and having strong consideration over leaving my 80'ish folks alone since Robert and Susan had moved to Fayetteville, I made the decision to take the job. Boy, am I glad I did!
I decided to retire from Oklahoma 5 years early because I didn't think I'd live that long if I stayed. I moved to Springdale in June and started working at Haas Hall Academy shortly after. A couple of weeks before school was to start, Marty asked me to also serve as the Headmaster for the Springdale campus as well as do the counseling for grades 7-10. Since I only had @ 170 kids to start, I felt I could handle it.
I have been so happy to be here. I work with kids who want to come to school...they may not be academically at the level we'd like them to be but they show up every day. The parents don't call to cuss me out, they call to thank me for creating a safe environment for their scholar. The staff, who I had not input in selecting, have joined together to create a family. Even dealing with new construction and a public building, it has been so much less stressful than last year that I've dropped weight and all my doc appointments have been so much better than last year that the docs are thrilled.
My only concern has and will always be the effect of all this on my parents. Mom had a knee replacement surgery this fall that was difficult for her at 80, and Dad has had some issues resulting in quick ambulance runs. But, Robert has stepped up and helped a great deal as has several of my male cousins, Jimmy, Rodney, and Donnie. Marty has known that I'll drop everything to go to my parents if needed and gratefully, he supports me in this. I try to see them at least every other week and call several times a week. If I could get them up on technology, we'd Skype or Facetime but they aren't quite ready for that.
So, it has been a year of change with year 13 rapidly approaching. I've been blessed to now be 3 years past the average and hopefully with these changes I can go another 5 to 7 before any further issues develop. At least I'll know those last years will be in a happier place. I miss my friends and family in Oklahoma, but I'm grateful that Marty believed in me and saw past the "you know she's had a heart transplant" stigma that seemed to follow me in BA. I plan on taking full advantage of the opportunity and continue to be as happy as I am right now.
When I saw Dr. E last Spring, he warned me that something needed to change or I would not be around much longer. My stress level was way over where it needed to be, my body was developing issues from the anti-rejection meds, and I was just generally unhappy. My case load of kids was approaching almost 500, the State of Oklahoma was not valuing the education profession, and despite working for a great district I just could not seem to get anywhere.
For several years, Susan's brother had tried to get me to come to Arkansas and work in his public Charter School. I'd gone over during the summer and helped out a couple of weeks a summer so I was familiar with his philosophy and the success he was having. This year they were going to open two new campus sites in Rogers and Springdale, and he offered me a position as a counselor. After reflecting on my health and having strong consideration over leaving my 80'ish folks alone since Robert and Susan had moved to Fayetteville, I made the decision to take the job. Boy, am I glad I did!
I decided to retire from Oklahoma 5 years early because I didn't think I'd live that long if I stayed. I moved to Springdale in June and started working at Haas Hall Academy shortly after. A couple of weeks before school was to start, Marty asked me to also serve as the Headmaster for the Springdale campus as well as do the counseling for grades 7-10. Since I only had @ 170 kids to start, I felt I could handle it.
I have been so happy to be here. I work with kids who want to come to school...they may not be academically at the level we'd like them to be but they show up every day. The parents don't call to cuss me out, they call to thank me for creating a safe environment for their scholar. The staff, who I had not input in selecting, have joined together to create a family. Even dealing with new construction and a public building, it has been so much less stressful than last year that I've dropped weight and all my doc appointments have been so much better than last year that the docs are thrilled.
My only concern has and will always be the effect of all this on my parents. Mom had a knee replacement surgery this fall that was difficult for her at 80, and Dad has had some issues resulting in quick ambulance runs. But, Robert has stepped up and helped a great deal as has several of my male cousins, Jimmy, Rodney, and Donnie. Marty has known that I'll drop everything to go to my parents if needed and gratefully, he supports me in this. I try to see them at least every other week and call several times a week. If I could get them up on technology, we'd Skype or Facetime but they aren't quite ready for that.
So, it has been a year of change with year 13 rapidly approaching. I've been blessed to now be 3 years past the average and hopefully with these changes I can go another 5 to 7 before any further issues develop. At least I'll know those last years will be in a happier place. I miss my friends and family in Oklahoma, but I'm grateful that Marty believed in me and saw past the "you know she's had a heart transplant" stigma that seemed to follow me in BA. I plan on taking full advantage of the opportunity and continue to be as happy as I am right now.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
The Dozen
Next Thursday will be my 12 year transplant anniversary. According to my cardio doc, I've managed to be two years over the average with my only issues being a bout of CMV and a rejection issue about 4 years ago. At this point, most transplant patients have had a major rejection or dealt with the side effects of the numerous drugs we take...so far, I've just dealt with the one (in his opinion) major rejection issue.
I recently went to the cardio doc for my 6 month check up. He wasn't pleased that I self elected to drop my prednisone down in half, however, I was not getting more than 3 hours of sleep even with sleep medication on it. Now, I'm able to get at least 5-6 hours of solid sleep nearly every night. All my blood work came back in normal ranges but he does want to run an echo to make sure I haven't started some rejection issues with my self diagnosis of meds.
His one recommendation, however, was that I find a way to reduce my stress level. Now, in the current state of education in Oklahoma, frankly that is impossible. If it isn't the way we are treated, the poor pay we receive, it is the lack of interest by parents and students. Not all, mind you, but I spend over 90% of my time with the 474 students on my case load dealing with students and/or parents who don't care or can't handle their children. If you can't tell, I'm really disappointed in the state of education in Oklahoma. I'm even disappointed in my own district.
There are a great many outstanding educators in this state. But who can blame them for wanting to leave to go to states where they are appreciated and payed a reasonable salary. Where they don't have to work two jobs to feed their kids or pay their bills. For the past two years we have gathered together and voiced our concerns to legislators who don't care, yet people in this state keep electing the same non-listeners.
Doc suggested that I stop working, but I have bills to pay and early retirement will only cover my insurance and pharmacy bill, which I obviously still need to stay alive. So, in all honesty, I have been looking out of state and may have a solution on the horizon. I just need to make sure that the pay will be worth leaving Oklahoma 5 years before I can retire. However, if I stay here another 5 years it may kill me...literally. While I'm not one to walk away from a fight, for the sake of living a few years longer it is something I seriously have to consider.
I recently read through my journals the two years prior to the transplant and the two years after. It was amazing how the Body of Christ worked through so many people during that time. From conversations, to acts of kindness, to friends hanging out at the hospital multiple times, to friends' children and students sending me pictures, cards, or calling. Then, to learning that one of my favorite (I know we're not supposed to have any....but Allen was special) students who suffered a trauma gave his organs simply because of hearing what someone had done for me the week before. I was touched and blessed every step of the way.
Four years ago when I had the rejection issue, I was blessed again by family and staff at SIHS as we battled to get back on track. I truly didn't think it was a big deal, but according to the doc it was really serious. I've always been one who hated to go to the doctor, so that little event taught me to listen to my body a little closer. My recent bouts with bone fractures in my back and bone issues in my ankles are telling me that I need to listen better and not wait till it is almost too late to fix these things.
Recently, my body has been telling me it is tired. The pace of my job is extremely fast, and as I said, deals with difficult situations on a constant basis. It may be time to move to something smaller with people who are serious about their future. I'm going to have to decide in the next few weeks what next year is going to be like. I'd like to ask one more thing from all those who have supported me in the past....pray that I make the right decision for my health and life. I'll keep you updated.
I recently went to the cardio doc for my 6 month check up. He wasn't pleased that I self elected to drop my prednisone down in half, however, I was not getting more than 3 hours of sleep even with sleep medication on it. Now, I'm able to get at least 5-6 hours of solid sleep nearly every night. All my blood work came back in normal ranges but he does want to run an echo to make sure I haven't started some rejection issues with my self diagnosis of meds.
His one recommendation, however, was that I find a way to reduce my stress level. Now, in the current state of education in Oklahoma, frankly that is impossible. If it isn't the way we are treated, the poor pay we receive, it is the lack of interest by parents and students. Not all, mind you, but I spend over 90% of my time with the 474 students on my case load dealing with students and/or parents who don't care or can't handle their children. If you can't tell, I'm really disappointed in the state of education in Oklahoma. I'm even disappointed in my own district.
There are a great many outstanding educators in this state. But who can blame them for wanting to leave to go to states where they are appreciated and payed a reasonable salary. Where they don't have to work two jobs to feed their kids or pay their bills. For the past two years we have gathered together and voiced our concerns to legislators who don't care, yet people in this state keep electing the same non-listeners.
Doc suggested that I stop working, but I have bills to pay and early retirement will only cover my insurance and pharmacy bill, which I obviously still need to stay alive. So, in all honesty, I have been looking out of state and may have a solution on the horizon. I just need to make sure that the pay will be worth leaving Oklahoma 5 years before I can retire. However, if I stay here another 5 years it may kill me...literally. While I'm not one to walk away from a fight, for the sake of living a few years longer it is something I seriously have to consider.
I recently read through my journals the two years prior to the transplant and the two years after. It was amazing how the Body of Christ worked through so many people during that time. From conversations, to acts of kindness, to friends hanging out at the hospital multiple times, to friends' children and students sending me pictures, cards, or calling. Then, to learning that one of my favorite (I know we're not supposed to have any....but Allen was special) students who suffered a trauma gave his organs simply because of hearing what someone had done for me the week before. I was touched and blessed every step of the way.
Four years ago when I had the rejection issue, I was blessed again by family and staff at SIHS as we battled to get back on track. I truly didn't think it was a big deal, but according to the doc it was really serious. I've always been one who hated to go to the doctor, so that little event taught me to listen to my body a little closer. My recent bouts with bone fractures in my back and bone issues in my ankles are telling me that I need to listen better and not wait till it is almost too late to fix these things.
Recently, my body has been telling me it is tired. The pace of my job is extremely fast, and as I said, deals with difficult situations on a constant basis. It may be time to move to something smaller with people who are serious about their future. I'm going to have to decide in the next few weeks what next year is going to be like. I'd like to ask one more thing from all those who have supported me in the past....pray that I make the right decision for my health and life. I'll keep you updated.
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