One Step at a Time

We lost another transplant survivor this week, and Chuck continues to have issues and is back in ICU.  Usually around this time of the year, the Kidney, Heart, and Lung transplant patients have a celebrity softball game against local TV/radio personalities and either the Fire or Police in the Tulsa area.  One of the main organizers of this is Chuck, however, since he is in ICU he can't.  The other was Dick Thomason, who passed away last fall. 

I have been having feelings of inadequacy lately in a variety of areas of my life.  I have wanted to be more involved with transplant survivors for quite a while, but have not been able to find that niche that would fit me and my situation.  School issues, personal issues, the list goes on and on.  It doesn't help that this is a very stressful period of time at school with state testing starting and all the state requirements that must be met or your site suffers serious penalites.

I wish I had the energy to undertake the role of helping to organize the softball game.  Truth is, I've never been more mentally or physically tired since right before the transplant.  In addition, my parents are having their own physical issues that may soon require decisions that they won't want to make, and that I really wish they didn't have to.  Or, I'm going to have to get closer to them.  I understand how they feel about those decisions...I had the same feelings when I was considering the transplant and the aftermath. 

Don't do the transplant = die.  Do the transplant = face a life of multiple medicines that do a variety of things to your body, constant tests at the hospital, costs involved with medications and surgeries, and the list goes on and on.  Sell the home you've lived in for 30 years and move closer to your son and daughter....stay in the house and hope your daughter can find a job nearby to help when those instances of falling, rapidly dropping sugar, and small strokes occur.

My parents have done everything they could possibly do for me....the least I can do is the same for them.  It is something that all of we children will be facing someday, and all of us who have children will join them in facing as we get older.

I just hope I can be around long enough, and have the energy and health, to be as helpful as I can be.  And I hope I can find some way to help others out as well.  At times when the mental and physical level is low, I just need to remember how fortunate I am....and keep taking one step at a time.